One of my male blog followers posted an interesting comment in response to one of my posts.
So interesting that I decided to write a blgo to help women who may be experiencing this.
The perspective that “80% of all women cannot keep the man she wants to want her” implies a deeper examination of attraction, compatibility, and commitment from both sides. Let’s break down what SirLafayette de Détrois may be observing and explore why some women may struggle with this particular issue.
1. The Difference Between Attraction and Compatibility:
- What He’s Seeing: He seems to be suggesting that while many women may be able to attract men, they struggle to keep the specific man they desire to want them back in a deep and committed way.
- Why This Happens: Attraction and compatibility are not the same. A woman may attract a man based on physical chemistry, lifestyle, or surface-level traits. However, sustaining that connection requires compatibility, emotional intimacy, shared values, and a deeper alignment. Sometimes, women are attracted to men who are not necessarily aligned with what they need for a long-term, committed relationship. This misalignment can lead to challenges in sustaining the relationship.
2. Attachment to an Ideal or Fantasy:
- What He’s Seeing: He may be observing that some women idealize certain men or types of relationships, wanting men who are charismatic, powerful, or have certain qualities that may not necessarily align with genuine compatibility or emotional availability.
- Why This Happens: Many women, often unknowingly, become attached to the idea of a man rather than the man himself. They may create fantasies around who this man is or could be, projecting desires and expectations onto him. When the reality of who he is doesn’t align with their fantasy, the relationship often unravels. This discrepancy can make it hard to “keep” the man, as he may sense this misalignment or feel pressured by unrealistic expectations.
3. Unbalanced Dynamics:
- What He’s Seeing: SirLafayette may be pointing to a phenomenon where women focus on attracting “the man they want” but may overlook the necessary give-and-take required to sustain a long-term connection.
- Why This Happens: Women might sometimes invest too much energy in “winning” a man’s attention or affection, inadvertently creating a dynamic where they are constantly giving, proving, or compromising their needs. This often shifts the balance of power, making the man feel that he doesn’t need to work as hard to invest in the relationship. When a woman is consistently the one trying to “keep” the relationship going, it can lead to burnout, resentment, or an eventual breakdown of the relationship.
4. Men’s Desire for Respect and Admiration:
- What He’s Seeing: Men often value respect and admiration in relationships. SirLafayette may believe that some women struggle to keep men because they fail to provide these elements, or because they only express them conditionally.
- Why This Happens: Many women enter relationships with high expectations of what they want from a man, sometimes forgetting that men, too, need emotional support, admiration, and respect. If a man senses that he’s not genuinely valued for who he is, but rather for what he can provide or do, he may not feel emotionally safe. This can create emotional distance and prevent the relationship from deepening.
5. Emotional Availability and Self-Sabotage:
- What He’s Seeing: He may observe that some women are unable to create a lasting connection because they may unconsciously self-sabotage or struggle with their own emotional availability.
- Why This Happens: Women, like men, often have unhealed wounds, fears, or insecurities that may lead them to act in ways that push potential partners away. For instance, fear of abandonment might lead to over-attachment or neediness, while fear of vulnerability might lead to emotional walls and resistance to intimacy. This can create a cycle where they are unable to fully receive the love they desire, even if they successfully attract the man initially.
6. Selective Attraction to Unavailable or High-Value Men:
- What He’s Seeing: He may notice that women tend to gravitate toward men who are seen as “high value” or slightly out of reach, leading to competition or unrequited interest.
- Why This Happens: Some women are attracted to men who embody qualities they admire but who may not be fully available emotionally, either due to personality, lifestyle, or commitment preferences. They may be drawn to men who are charismatic, successful, or popular, but these qualities don’t always guarantee a stable or lasting relationship. Such men may also have many options and may not be inclined to settle down quickly. This dynamic creates a scenario where the woman desires a man who isn’t truly available for the depth and exclusivity she seeks.
7. Over-Focusing on Attraction and Neglecting Relationship Skills:
- What He’s Seeing: SirLafayette may be suggesting that many women are successful at attracting men but struggle with the skills required to build and maintain a relationship.
- Why This Happens: Attraction and connection are only the first steps in a relationship. Building a lasting partnership requires communication, conflict resolution, empathy, and mutual respect. If a woman focuses too heavily on keeping up attraction but neglects building emotional intimacy and communication skills, the relationship may not have the necessary foundation to last. Some women may also prioritize attraction (chemistry, passion) over compatibility (values, emotional maturity), leading to short-lived relationships.
8. Unresolved Baggage or Unclear Intentions:
- What He’s Seeing: He may believe that women sometimes carry unresolved baggage from past relationships, affecting their ability to keep the man they desire.
- Why This Happens: Unhealed wounds from past relationships, childhood, or self-esteem issues can play a significant role in relationship dynamics. Women who haven’t processed past hurts may inadvertently project those fears and insecurities onto their current relationship, creating distance. If a woman doesn’t have clear intentions or is ambivalent about what she truly wants, it can create mixed signals that push the man away.
9. The “Chasing Validation” Trap:
- What He’s Seeing: SirLafayette might be observing that some women place too much value on getting the attention or validation from “the man she wants to want her,” which puts pressure on the relationship.
- Why This Happens: Many women equate their worth with a man’s interest, which can lead to a cycle of chasing validation. When this becomes the primary motivation, the dynamic becomes about proving oneself rather than building a genuine connection. This need for validation can be sensed by men, who may feel pressured or unappreciated, and it ultimately prevents a healthy, balanced relationship from developing.
The Core Insight:
What SirLafayette is likely pointing out is that there’s a difference between attracting a man and sustaining a meaningful relationship with him. A woman may be able to catch the attention of many men, but keeping the one she truly desires requires more than initial attraction. It requires genuine compatibility, emotional security, self-awareness, mutual respect, and a balanced dynamic.
Where Women Can Focus:
For women who resonate with this perspective and want to improve their ability to keep a man they genuinely desire, the focus could be on:
- Choosing Aligned Partners: Being selective not only based on attraction but also on compatibility, values, and mutual goals.
- Cultivating Emotional Intimacy: Developing emotional depth and connection beyond physical attraction.
- Maintaining Balance in the Relationship: Ensuring that both partners invest equally and that neither feels pressured or undervalued.
- Respecting Each Partner’s Needs: Understanding and respecting what men need in relationships, such as respect, appreciation, and admiration.
- Practicing Self-Love and Self-Worth: Reducing the need for external validation and instead valuing oneself as a whole person.
In conclusion, SirLafayette’s perspective sheds light on some common dynamics that can affect a woman’s ability to keep the man she wants. While each individual’s experience is unique, understanding these patterns can help women cultivate stronger, more aligned relationships with partners who genuinely reciprocate their love and commitment.
Quiz: Are You Ready to Keep the Man You Desire?
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